Anti-Social Media

It's been almost six months since I quit. Six months of unadulterated real-life bliss (hmmm?), six months of lunches, brunches and sun-tan lounges experienced without a virtual audience. Life-changing moments, heartbreaks and new loves, laughs, friendships, career moves, holidays, parties, problems and insignificant moments of my existence that have vanished, evaporated into the single small space of my already failing memory (oh dear God). 

As mad and drastic as that is nowadays considered (something I only realised once I was confronted by others' reactions to my apparently astounding and ground-breaking news) - it has been life altering - I really wish I could say only for the best.

Truth is, it's been really really hard. Good hard I think - like weaning off crack kind of hard – you know it’s good for you not to do it anymore but oh my goodness if only you could finally find out how so-and-so’s relationship is going, or what thingymabob had for dinner, or follow any of the millions of conversations that start with “Have you seen that thing on Facebook…?”.

Do you know how hard it is for me to find a babysitter now? Or to sell anything without access to the amazing FaceBay (FaceBook’s answer to eBay). Or to promote my work? Still, and this has been noted by other quitters, I feel more connected to the world around me than ever before. I don’t automatically log onto Facebook or Instagram to see what people are doing anymore, how my exes are, or worse, my new boyfriend’s exes are, or just because I want to feed that insecure monster we all host and look at how well everyone seems to be doing. Instead, I now actually spend time with the people I’m with, doing the things that I am doing, and not worrying about posting the exciting event currently happening in my life. Oh-my-goodness-which-instagram-filter-is-currently-on-trend?! And do I look hot enough in that picture?! Instead I spend all my very valuable time and energy on me, and my loved ones. (well I try to, Netflix is still a bad habit, and I do still own a smart phone, I’m not a total lunatic – although watch this space!)

So why make such an extreme decision? Why not just go on it less? Did something happen for me to remove myself from the ever-important virtual world? Yes, something did happen, and it was bad and upsetting – but I’m grateful because thankfully it made me realise that people’s intentions on social media very rarely come from a place of kindness - “social” media, ironically, is almost entirely about our selves – and it wasn’t doing me any good.   

It’s not only a bad thing of course, I’m not that naive. It enables people from all social, racial and sexual backgrounds to find communities with which to bond, somewhere to express thoughts, desires and political views, (did I mention Facebay!?) and has reset the balance in an increasingly imbalanced world fraught with inequalities. The whole Harvey Weinstein Hollywood sexual assault and BBC gender pay gap battles would not have reached such a wide audience and allowed victims a voice – albeit a very mediatised one - without the use of social media.

So why quit? Lack of Kindness. Too much self-promotion. Not enough selflessness. Aren’t these qualities we should be striving for? With the massive boom of mindfulness and finding fulfilling ways to live in the moment, could it not be suggested that the increasing importance of social media juxtaposed with the growth of meditation is not a coincidence? Self-promotion, marketing ourselves and our businesses has certainly transformed the way our inner and outer worlds work - it is no surprise that when the NHS carried an extensive study on 1479 young people between the ages of 14-24 it found that “Although social media can connect people from all over the world to provide a strong sense of community, rates of anxiety and depression in young people have increased by 70% over the last 25 years.”

This is absolutely petrifying. What will happen to our children? These “digital natives” (a generation that will never experience the world without the internet) will need to negotiate their existence with the constant awareness of the presence of an online audience. The celebrity culture isn’t exclusive to celebrities anymore, we are all becoming victim to the unattainable pressures of striving for a perfect life: Perfect bodies, perfect clothes, perfect brands, etc, etc… 

Andy Warhol sadly, was wrong. In the future we won’t all be famous for 15 minutes, we will all be famous all the time. There won’t be a minute in which we aren’t exposed to an other person's look and judgement.

So that’s probably why I quit. I don’t really want to be part of a mini reality show, or bombarded with products and information that I do not choose to be exposed to. I want a clear mind.

In the meantime, please please can someone go on Facebay for me to help me lose all the extra crap I've hoarded in my life since erm... quitting social media? 

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