Are We Selfish?

I had a pretty painful moment last week, a sort of life changing moment. After failing to notice someone fall ill on the train because I was too engrossed in social media, I felt compelled to change my ways. Here’s my story…

I work in London and live in Tunbridge Wells which means I am, shock horror, a commuter. I could write a university textbook about the quirks of being a South Eastern commuter, and there’s something even stranger about being a 27-year-old female commuter. I spend so much of my time around middle aged, middle class white men, I’ve become one. (Well, I was already half way there).

The brilliant thing about commuting is that you are rewarded for having zero care or empathy towards others. It is a dog eat dog world, and there’s no room for cats. Every minute you can shave off the walk to the station, or the walk from the platform to the tube, is yours and yours alone. The one minute you gained back by relentlessly shouldering your way through a huddle of people to get to one of the precious forward facing seats, is yours to enjoy. And once you’ve secured that seat, you can spend as many minutes as you like taking off your coat, folding up your jacket just right, getting your breakfast smoothie and iPad out of your rucksack, and placing it back above the overhead racks. That’s your time baby. And the lazy arse who got to the platform before you and is now standing behind you watching you delicately place your calfskin gloves into their leather carry case is a loser. Plain and simple. They lost, you won. Don’t give it a minute’s notice. And for god’s sake do not make eye contact with them.

I’m very good at being a commuter. But the life changing moment happened last week. My most favoured way to switch off is to piss around on whatever social media platform turns me on. Currently that’s Instagram. Gorgeous people, arty photos, dreamy landscapes, cool cafes, luxury holidays. I only follow my friends which either means all my friends are living massively better lives than me or we’re all lying to each other. But it’s a great community – I’m quick on the like button and it seems there are a good bunch of people who will return the favour. Very suddenly I heard someone call out for help, in real life. I remembered I was on the train and saw two or three people trying to help an elderly man who had collapsed in the carriage about two feet in front of me. It was quiet, he was slouched in between the seats, but I dread to think how long it was from his collapsing to me noticing. When I looked around the carriage it looked like I wasn’t the only one dreading that thought.

I felt shocked that I was putting so much energy and effort into my specially curated little online community, and yet I was incognito in the real human community which surrounded me. Commuters are encouraged to ignore each other, and there are massive incentives if you do – you get the seat, you get to hang your coat up, you get to the office on time. And the message here is, as long as you’ve got your house in order then that’s all you need to worry about. You’ve earned what you’ve got and it’s what you deserve. Don’t spare an extra minute thinking about other people.

But the world doesn’t quite work like that. All the handsome moneyed able bodied commuters can prove that if you just work hard, focus on improving yourself and take responsibility for your own actions then you will succeed. This mantra works incredibly well for well-resourced people. But this isn’t quite as easy when you lack access to decent employment options, when your sense of self-worth is systematically destroyed by your circumstances, and when you need a helping hand from others to compete on a level playing field. Individual empowerment is a crucial ingredient for any successful society, but what about when empowerment becomes entitlement and the individual gives up on their community? What are we left with?

I really wish I’d noticed sooner that someone was in trouble. It’s had a big effect on me – and now I want to preach it to anyone who’ll listen. Make eye contact with the man sleeping rough in your neighbourhood, move aside and wait two freaking seconds to let the disabled person off the carriage, smile at the person you sit next to every day, stop smiling at the hot woman you try to sit next to every day, make a plan with a friend and stick to it. These simple human interactions are as natural as maintaining a social media presence and it is much more rewarding. It is even more rewarding than wearing lycra outside of the gym to demonstrate that you attend the gym.

Instead of being dog eat dog we could be person meets person. Occasionally we’ll give up things we’ve “earned” or “deserved” to someone who never had the opportunity to get it in the first place. Who were denied it, or deprived it. And we should be happy to give it up – it’s literally what makes us human.

Are we selfish? I think that’s the sort of question we can only ask and answer ourselves. And at the moment my best answer is “I really don’t want to be.” But still, if you see me on the commute, don’t think you’re getting that seat.

Rosie Mockett is a writer living in Tunbridge Wells, follow her on Twiiter @rosiemockett

Photography by Rowben Lantion